With my personality, people are so important to me, but funnily enough friendships were hard for me when I was a kid and teenager. Despite my desire to have close friends and be a good friend, somehow it didn't always work out the way I had hoped.
I had lots of friends, but struggled to find that "bestie". I watched other girls with their best friends and my heart hurt, because I wanted to be like them.
I met my husband when I was 15 and we've been together ever since. He became my "bestie" which is the way it should be in marriage, but because of that I didn't develop close friendships with other girls as much. I also had a super amazing friendship with my mom so I think I thought I was sorted in the friend department.
Now, don't get me wrong, I had lots of people who's friendships I enjoyed....I am really talking about those heart friendships that develop through time and energy being spent in sharing ones' lives together. I didn't have those relationships and moving into parenthood that became even more obvious as I was now at home and didn't have anyone to do anything with other than my mom. I had friends, but they either didn't have kids or the relationships were changing.
Then, God brought a young woman into my life who was 5 or 6 years younger than myself. I learned a lot about being a friend from her. I learned to share my life more openly, to reveal some of my "stuff" and to feel safe. That door opened wider in 2005 when another young woman came into my life...she was a lot younger than me, but for some reason God just melded our hearts and I opened my heart even more. Around the same time, I had a group of uni students I was spending time with and those girls became super precious to me. Even though I was their "leader", I learned so much from them and they made me feel like I finally had "girlfriends". Finally in my late 30's I had girlfriends. I had women that I could feel safe to share my heart with, to reveal more about myself, who loved me for who I was. WOW!!!
Now in my 40's I finally have a really close friend who is my own age....it's only taken me 30 years. HA!!. T is a treasure. She listens to me and let's me ramble and shares her life with me. I love it!!!! I actually feel like I have a sister for the first time in my life. YAY!!
I've learned a lot about friendship - to have friends, you need to be one. To invite confidences you need to confide and be trustworthy. You need to have fun together and have shared experiences and memories. I have learned so much from these wonderful ladies in my life....and from my super amazing mom and I am very thankful!!!! Love all of you - S, P, C, L, K, T and of course, Mom and B!!!edit
Reading through my latest posts, one might think that I am just a massive ball of insecurities. I'm not, but lately been thinking about the deeper things of life.
On a brighter, lighter note, I wanted to share a compliment that was given to my hubby and I yesterday.
I was talking with a friend who's expecting their first baby. He was sharing how he's been reading a parenting book (one that we recommended) and how he can see how the principles we applied from that book have worked in our kids. He said he could see how our kids fit into our family and know that they are loved and are important, but not the most important and that's helped them become other-focused and not attention-hogs.
Anyway, it was the best part of my day. Everyone loves a compliment and one about your kids is just wonderful. It's nice to have some affirmation that we're doing ok because a lot of the time I don't always feel like I am doing ok with them. So thanks, J!!! :)edit
I do love Mother's Day...I loved it as a kid celebrating my mom and now I love it as a mom with two wonderful kids and a hubby who always makes it a special day, but my thinking about Mother's Day has been challenged a bit the last few years as I have journeyed with a friend through infertility.
I have learned how this day can be hurtful and hard for those who long to be mothers, but for some reason that isn't happening for them. The church services are only reminders of what isn't happening or of the pregnancy loss they've experienced. The envy they experience as the moms receive flowers, or asked to stand up and are celebrated. The sermons about how being a mom is the highest calling that God gives a woman.The questions that face them "I lost my baby early, am I a mom?" Not that these things shouldn't be done, but they can all add up to be a hard day. Things I didn't think about before, but now I do. Now, I am much more aware and protective of my friend and her heart as she approaches this day each year.
And I've struggled with my own feelings..sometimes I felt guilty for being a mom, for not appreciating my kids enough, for wanting to celebrate Mother's Day and for wanting to be celebrated as a mom. My friend's never made me feel guilty, but of course, I feel that way anyway as I want to be the best friend I can be. The co-journer's burden can be a heavy one as we want to comfort and care for our suffering friend, but the reality is that there is little comfort we can truly offer other than just being there. It's just hard all around.
Mother's Day is special and moms should be celebrated, but in the midst of celebrating your mom, or being celebrated...don't forget those who long to be moms or have had to conclude that God's plan is different for their lives, occasionally by choice, but usually by default as they struggle with the inability to have children. Yes, God loves mothers and being a mom is a wonderful gift and calling, but we need to be careful that we don't sideline those women who feel a bit less because they have not been able to have a baby.
Thanks, S for all you have taught me through your journey, through your grace and through your friendship!!
Oh...here's a blog (Can I Walk With You) that might be helpful. The story of one woman's journey through infertility and life...the good, the bad and the just plain hard. I know it helped me a lot!edit
Do you ever have those days when you just wish you hadn't opened your mouth? I've had two of those days in a row. Not anything major or tragic, but just those moments when I wish I had just stopped before I started. I hate that feeling.
I gave myself the requisite lectures on keeping quiet, waiting to speak, asking before giving advice and just relaxing in decisions people make....somehow though, I know I am going to give myself this lecture again in the future. Darn!!
I want to be the perfect friend that people love to be around so I feel these things keenly. Of course, my head tells me that it isn't possible to be that perfect, but my heart longs for it. It's not about self-esteem necessarily, but more about how much people mean to me. I want to care for them so much that I get over-enthusiastic in my desire to nurture them and help them. Darn!!
I've been married for 32 years to the love of my life and we have two awesome adult kids and a fantastic son-in-law. Big new adventure moving to Texas from New Zealand in February 2021
